Funny Stories About Dumbledore
by Mz Luna Potter
Summary: One-shots about funny things that happen to Dumbledore, mostly caused by Harry, but not always. COMPLETE, Semi Crazy
1. Wooly Socks

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, however I sent a letter to ****J. K. Rowling asking if she would be willing to sell it to me. I'm still waiting for an answer.**

Albus Dumbledore sighed as he looked at the mountain of books he had gotten for Christmas. He had hoped that after mentioning that his ideal Christmas gift was a pair of wool socks to Harry last year that Harry would send him a pair for Christmas, however it seemed that wasn't so. He was just standing up to put all of the books away when a house elf popped in.

"Yes Blinky, can I help you with something?"

"Yes mister headmaster sir, someone left this for you mister headmaster sir," the house elf said holding out a present.

"Thank you for bringing this to me Blinky," Dumbledore said kindly. Blinky nodded his head quickly and popped away. Dumbledore looked at the present. It was the shape of a book. He opened it and was shocked to see the title, the book of wool socks. Confused, he opened it and stared. It was hollowed and in the empty space was a pair of wool socks.

The socks were made neon pink wool. He looked around inside the book to see if there was a note saying who they were from. The only thing he could find was a piece of parchment that said, _Use them well._ He stared at the note for a minute before he started laughing. It seems, he thought to himself, that Harry had a very good sense of humor.

**AN: This is something that I always thought that Harry should have done in the book just to be funny. Now, I want you all to look at the bottom of the page. There you will see the word review. I want you to all click on that word, because when people review, I get a warm and fuzzy feeling in my chest.**


	2. Chocolate Frog Cards

**Disclaimer: So, I still haven't heard back from J. K. Ro****wling about her selling me Harry Potter, so I still own nothing, but I will keep trying.**

**Note: I want to say thanks to my bata, Fire Makes Me Smile, for giving me the idea for this chapter.**

**Ministry of Magic**

"Nothing is working minister. No matter what we do nothing seems to bother him."

"How can that be possible, there must be something that bothers him, Percival? Haven't your brothers and sister ever mentioned anything?"

"No, minister. But really that's not surprising, all they ever talk about is broomsticks and chocolate frog -" Percival's eyes lit up and a sly grin spread across his face. "I think I know just what to do minister."

**Hogwarts**

Minerva McGonagall was sitting in her office during the last week of August finishing off last minute adjustments to her lesson plan for that year when a scream broke the silence.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

Shocked she got up and went to find out what was happening. The scream had come from the headmasters office so she ran to it. When she went inside she saw Albus standing at his desk hyperventilating. "Albus, what is wrong?" Minerva asked, eyes wide with shock. She had never seen Albus lose his control before.

Albus didn't answer, he continued to stare at the letter that he had just received from the ministry. After a few minutes he seemed to notice that she was there but instead of saying anything he just handed her the letter to read.

"Years of helping them," he moaned, "years and this is how they repay me? With a fate worse then death. How could they do something this horrible to me? How?"

Minerva looked at the letter then at Albus, then back to the letter. It said,

Dear Mr. Dumbledore,

We are sorry to inform you that after much thought the miistry has decided to remove you from the chocolate frog cards as we do not think it is a good idea for you to have the amount of attention on yourself with your obously failing mental health.

Yours sincerely,

Percival Weasley

Junior Assistant to the Minister for Magic

She stared at it in shock, she had thought it would be something terrible, like saying that he was being sent to azkaban, but this? This was rediculess. Minerva looked back up to see Albus in the fetal passion. She sighed, oh well, she thought to herself, better go get Poppy and let her deal with him.

**AN: Hope you liked it. Now remember to leave me a review so I can get a fuzzy feeling inside. Next chapter should be up tomorrow, I just have to finish editing it.**


	3. War Heads

**Disclaimer: Okay, so I'm starting to think that someone kidnapped J. K. Rowling because she still hasn't answered my letter about giving me Harry Potter, and I starting to worry, because I was hopping to own him by my birthday, which is in a few weeks. But anyways, enough about my quest to own Harry potter, on with the story!**

**Note: I would again like to thank Fire Makes Me Smile for giving me the idea for this chapter. **

**Muggle Candy Store**

Dumbledore looked at the store. Minerva had gotten tiered of his obsession with Lemon Drops and had told him that if he didn't find a new type of candy she would find all of the Lemon Drops in the world and cast an _Incendio _on them. He knew that nothing would ever taste better to him then Lemon Dropso he decided to prank her into accepting his obsession. He was going to buy the sourest candy that the muggles had, then he would give on to Minerva, then after tasting it, she would have no problems with his Lemon Drops. Nothing could go wrong.

He walked into the store and the bell on top of the door rang. The girl behind the counter looked at him strangly before she smiled and said, "hello, can I help you, sir?"

"Yes", Dumbledore said with a smile, "I'm looking for your most sour candy."

The girl looked surprised, "um, well our most sour candies are war heads, but I would take something else if I was you, most people can't eat them. They're really sour."

Dumbledore smiled, "that is just what I'm looking for. I take fifty of them."

The girl looked unsure, "um, well, okay, if that's what you want." She put the war heads in a bag and handed them to Dumbledore. "That will be $5.45."

Dumbledore gave her the money and left with his bag of war heads. These will be perfect, he thought to himself. When Minerva tastes these she'll never complan about my Lemon Drops again.

**The Next Day At Hogwarts**

"Well, Albus, lets see this new candy you got that's so great."

Dumbledore smiled. He had told Minerva that he had gotten a new type of favourite candy, but no what the girl at the store had said about them. However he had not tried one because he didn't want to see if he was one of the people who couldn't even eat one war head. He took out the bag that the war heads where in and gave on to Minerva. "Here you go Minerva, trust me when I say you've never had anything like these before."

Minerva took the candy and looked at it suspiciously before slowly putting it into her mouth. She sucked on it for about a minute **(AN: Ha ha, that's what she said) **before her eyes widened and she looked at Dumbledore. "Albus, this is the best sweet I've ever tasted. You must tell me where you got these."

Dumbledore stared at her schocked. "What! you mean they aren't super sour?"

"What? No Albus this is amazing, tell me, where did you get them?"

Shocked, Dumbledore told her the stores name and she rushed out of his offic to go buy all of the war heads they had. Not that he paying attention to her, he was too busy trying to figure out how the girl at the store could have been so wrong about the war heads. He took one out from inside of the bag and looked a it. It certainly didn't look sour, infact it was the same shade of yellow as Lemon Drops. Well if Minerva can eat them they couldn't be sour he thought, she hates sour candy. I might as well eat them so I don't waste my money.

He put the war head that he had in his hand into his mouth. It was there for less then ten seconds before his face pucked and his eyes went wide. He quickly spat it back out. Merlin, he thought to himself, how could something so small be so sour, and how could Minerva possibly like it.

Then he realized something. He hadn't seen her put it in her mouth, he had been looking down at he desk so he wouldn't burst out laughing. She had played him.

**AN: Okay, so first I'm sorry about the that's what she said joke, but come on, you can't tell me you didn't think that when you read that sentence (for anyone under the age of twelve, just forget about it, your understand when you older). Now I have a question I need to ask. I've gotten about ****60 visiters for this story, but only 7 reviews, WHY IS THIS? Have you forgoten that by giving me a review, you give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside? Please if you read my story give me a review, even if it's only one word. Now just one more thing before you click the review button, I'm running out of ideas for this story, so if you have any tell then to me in a review or a pm, I don't care, just help me out, or this story will be finished soon.**


	4. Midnight Meeting

**Disclaimer: Okay people, I'm really starting to worry, J. K. Ro****wling still hasn't answered my letters. I think that she might have been adducted by aliens or something, so if any of you know how to contact aliens please tell me so I can get ****J. K. Ro****wling to sell me Harry Potter.**

**Note: I would like to thank ****lilithaofsherwood**** for being not only an amazing reviewer, but for also coming up with an idea for me to use in this story.**

Dumbledore tossed and turned, but no matter what way he lay, he couldn't get comfortable. He sighed and sat up. He had been trying to fall asleep for more then two hours but something seemed to be keeping him awake. Well he thought to himself, if I can't fall asleep I might as well do something, but what to do? Hum, I know I go walk around and see if I can catch any students out of bed and them. Yes that would be great fun. With this in mind he got up and put some robes on and cast a disillusion spell on himself so that he could sneak up on the students, then went out of his rooms and through the gargoyle.

He walked around for half an hour but he didn't see anyone. Just as he was about to give up and go back to his rooms he heard voices.

"Are you sure they said tonight?" a female voice asked.

"Harry defiantly said it was tonight." another female voice answered.

Dumbledore couldn't believe his luck, not only would he be able to have some fun, but if he understood what the girls had said one of the people he would get to prank would be Harry. He follow the two students to a blank area of wall on the seventh full across from a tapestry. They looked around to make sure that no one was around and as they couldn't see him the walked back and forth in front of the wall three times.

A door appeared and they walked through and Dumbledore was just able to squeeze in before the door close. He looked around and saw five people in the room. They were Harry, Ron, and Hermione, Ginny, and Luna. They were sitting in a circle around a table with tea on it. Harry was talking well the other four were laughing at what he was saying. None of them seemed to have noticed he had entered and for that he was happy. Well trying to think of the best prank to play on them he listened to what they were saying.

"… And then she pretended to eat one and told him that they were fantastic and asked him for the address for the store he got them for. And when she left he put one in his mouth and he couldn't even suck on it for ten seconds before he had to spit it out." **(AN: That's what he said)**

Dumbledore stared shocked, how had Harry found out about that? It seemed that Hermione was thinking the same thing and said, "But how did you find out about this Harry. I don't believe that Professor McGonagall would tell you."

Harry smirked at them, "oh she didn't have to, how you think she found out that he was going to give her sour candy?"

"I don't know, how?" Hermione asked.

"She had Dobby follow him into the candy store. As to how I found out, he told me about it when I was in the kitchen last week he mentioned it, then I asked the sorting hat well I was waiting for him on Saturday night."

Ron shook his head, "Harry, that's amazing, it's nearly as funny as what you did to him in second year."

Dumbledore couldn't believe that Harry was telling them all of these stories about him. Suddenly he had an idea for not only a great prank but also revenge. He cast a non-verbal spell at Harry that changed his clothes into a ballerina dress. When the others saw him they started laughing. Harry looked down to see what they were laughing at and blushed when he saw what had happened to his clothes. But Dumbledore wasn't done yet.

He cast a spell that made Harry start dancing like a ballerina. By then all of his friends were on the floor laughing. "Stop laughing guys and help me", Harry said angrily, "I can't stop dancing."

"But Harry", Ron said between laughs, "you're such a good dancer; it would be a shame to stop you." The rest of Harry's friends didn't seem to have enough breath to talk so they just nodded.

Dumbledore decided to make his presence know. "Well Mr. Potter, it seems that you have gotten you self into a bit of trouble." They all froze, except for Harry who couldn't stop dancing. They all seemed to realize that Dumbledore might have heard what they were talking about.

"Oh, um, Professor Dumbledore, how nice to see you, just curious, how long have you been here?" Ginny asked.

Before Dumbledore could answer Luna said, "you mean you didn't notice him, Ginny? He walked in right behind us."

"What", Harry said furious, "Luna, why didn't you say something?"

"I thought that you know Harry".

"Um, Professor Dumbledore, are you the one that's making Harry dance?" Hermione asked.

Dumbledore smiled at her, he knew that she would be the first to figure it out, she was the smartest witch in her year. "Why yes Miss Granger, I am. I thought that it would be appropriate punishment for him being not only out of bed, but also spreading lies about me."

Harry snorted, "they are not lie, Professor, you know it's true. You got played by Professor McGonagall; you just don't want to admit it."

"Harry," Hermione said well rolling her eyes, "if he has you under the spell, you might want to shut up for once and find out what you have to do to get it off."

"Fine", Harry sighed, "Professor, what do I have to do to get you to take off the spell?"

"You have to apologize for what you said Mr. Potter."

"Okay, if I have to," Harry sighed, "I'm sorry that I was telling people about all of your epic fail moments. But you shouldn't be ashamed; everyone has those moments, especially Ron."

"Hey," Ron said angrily.

"Oh Ron, you know it's true," Ginny said rolling her eyes.

"Whether or not Ron has many epic fail moments doesn't matter, Professor, can you please remove the spell now that Harry apologized?"

"Thank you Hermione." Harry said, happy that someone remembered him.

"Oh course I'll remove the spell." Dumbledore said as he remover the spell making Harry dance and changed his clothes back to what he was wearing before. "Now why don't you all head back to you dorms and go to bed."

They all nodded and headed back to their dorms and Dumbledore headed back to his rooms, sure that he would be able to fall asleep now. As he was lying in his bed he smiled, he had gotten Harry back for telling those stories about him. His eyes slowly closed before a thought came to him, I just hope he doesn't try to get back at me. Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he sat up. What if Harry did try to get back at him, he hadn't thought of that when he was pranking Harry. Suddenly he was no longer tired he was to busy trying to figure out all the possible ways that Harry could try to get back at him using and how he could stop them.

**AN: OMG, I never thought that this chapter would end up being this long. This chapter is almost longer then all of the other chapters together.**

**PS. everyone remember to help me get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside by giving me a review.**

**PPS. Originally I had meant to add more chapters, but with everything that's been going on in my life recently, I've not only run out of ideas but also intrest for this story. Maybe in a few months I might add more chapters, but for now this story is done.**


	5. The Swiffer 2000

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Harry Potter, however, if anyone can get me the rights they would be my new BFF.**

**NOTE: I know I said that I was done with this story, but I just had to post this. I'll explain at the bottom. Also this chapter is dedicated to Fire Makes Me Smile for letting me use her ideas and to my reviewer ****Samalama****.**

Harry sat humming happily in the Hogwarts court yard as Ron and Hermione walk over to him.

"Hey Harry," Ron said with a smile, "you seem happy today".

Harry looked up started, "oh hey Ron! I'm really excited! I'm getting my new Swiffer 2000 today."

"What?" Ron yelled. "That's the fastest broom that has ever existed and will ever probably exist! Why do you always get the good brooms? How come I always get the brooms that can be out lapped by butterflies?

Harry rolled his eyes in exasperation," I cause I'M HARRY FREAKING POTTER and your just some poor, useless peasant with a mudblood sidekick".

"Hey", Hermione said indigently, "I am not poor or useless".

Harry looked at her strangely, "Ron is the poor one Hermione and you're the mudblood".

"Oh", Hermione said embarrassed, "well okay, as long as you know I'm not useless".

Suddenly a bird flew through the window. Ron started saying, "mail time, mail time, mai... Hey, wait a second, Harry, where is Hedwig?"

"Oh, um, you see she accidentally got hit by a killing curse last week and died."

"Oh my god, you ate her didn't you?" Hermione said accusingly.

"I'm sorry, I was just so hungry, I didn't have any other choice."

"Uh, Harry, you do know that you're the third richest wizard in all of Britain right?" Hermione asked.

"Well I was but I kind of cleaned out my vaults to buy the Swiffer 2000."

"Oh Harry you idiot! Why would you waste your money like the? The Swiffer 2000 isn't even that much faster then your firebolt. How are you going to pay for the food you need for your new pet dog now?"

"Oh I don't need to worry about snoopy, Hermione, you see, after I ate Hedwig I was still really hungry so I sort of ate him too."

"OH MY GOD, my best friend is turning into a serial killer. I should so report you".

"No you shouldn't", Harry said defensively well crossing his arms," if you tell on me I'll tell Professor McGonagall that you cheated on a test, so there!"

"Oh you did not just. Well fine I didn't want to have to do this Harry, but it seems I have no choice." As Hermione said this she waved her wand and Macarena music started to play.

Harry's eyes widened," no Hermione, please, I do anything just don't start." He didn't finish speaking because at that moment Hermione started dancing the Macarena and he fainted.

Ron just shock his head," he can face the darkest wizard alive, stand up to bullies, and go against the ministry, but someone starts dancing the Macarena and he faints dead away."

Hermione nodded her head, "I know, it's so messed up."

***

Albus Dumbledore shot up from his bed looking around wildly his eyes wide with fear. After checking to make sure that he really was in his bed he started to shack. "It was only a dream," he whispered repeatedly to himself," only a dream.

**AN: Okay, so the story behind this is that a few years ago two of my friend, one of which is Fire Makes Me Smile, wrote this well they were on a sugar high well I gave them some ideas. After that we forgot about it till this year when it was found under my friend's dresser. Fire Makes Me Smile wouldn't post it because she didn't want to seem crazier then she is, so I decided to make it into a dream that Dumbledore had. **

**I have an idea for another chapter, but I don't know if I'll ever post it. I graduate on Thursday then I'm heading off to Ottawa for a week to see Will and Kate, the Royal couple when they come for Canada Day. Then not long after that I'm going to a three week long military camp in Kingston. Plus with the weather finally becoming nice I want to spend as much time outside as possible so I probably won't write anything till September, if then. However, if I get reviews from people enough people, like say 10 (hint, hint), I might start to feel guilty enough to sit down and start writing. **

**PS If you want to flame this chapter don't do it in a review, go to Fire Makes Me Smile's profile and send it to her in a PM, cause she is a huge pyro and loves fire more then anything.**


	6. April Fool's Day

**Disclaimer: Really? You think that I, a grade 9 student, own Harry Potter? Come on, if I really did, do you think that I would still be going to school? NO WAY!**

"So everyone knows their parts?" Harry asked looking around at the people gathered around the table in the room of requirements. "Good. Now does anyone have any question?"

"Well, Harry," Hermione said looking nervous, "don't you think that you might be going overboard, just a bit."

"What?" Harry said not believing what he was hearing. "Hermione, you we there you know what happened, how can you possibly think that this is going overboard? Is it because it's him? Is that it? Have you just been his spy all along, planning on sabotaging this mission?"

"Harry, listen to yourself," Hermione begged, "you've become completely paranoid. How can you even think that I would be a spy, I'm your best friend?"

"Yes, you're my best friend, just like Peter was my father's best friend! Guards! Take her away."

"What? Harry, no! I would never betray you! What reason would I have? I was the one who suggested this, who found the spells and potions! Why would I have wasted my time?"

"Because if you were the person who chose the spells then you could give us the weakest spell and 'accidentally' mess up on the potions, but I've been one step ahead of you this whole time. I've have Minnie checking all of it, so you and your master loss. "

Hermione sneered at him, "you dissevered everything you got and will get. You will fail, and when you do, I will laugh."

"Put her in the dungeons."

"He will notice that I'm not where I should be and he will come find me."

Harry smirked, "we're going to be starting earlier then we had planed so he won't have time." With he nodded to the guards holding her and they took her out. Once she was gone he turned back to the table. "We have 15 minutes people. 15 minutes till the biggest moment in our lives. Remember the plan people. If we stick to it, nothing can go wrong."

*****Page Break*****

Albus Dumbledore walked down to the Great hall in high spirits. Over the last few months everything at Hogwarts had been going smoothly. Surprisingly so. The Weasley twins hadn't pulled any pranks and it was making the rest of the staff paranoid as to what they could be planning, but he thought that they were merely taking time to study for the N.E.W.T.s. He walked into the hall and stopped, staring at his seat with his mouth open.

"Ah, Dumbledore," hissed Voldemort from his place at the head table with his wand in his hand, "finally you arrive. I've been waiting."

"What are doing here Tom," Dumbledore asked confused, looking around at the students who seemed completely unsurprised to see Voldemort.

"I have come to tell you that I am willing to not continue the war as long as you agree to my request."

Dumbledore stared at him, "well I suppose it depends on the request."

"The request is that you marry me."

"I'm sorry, what did you just say," asked Dumbledore, sure he had heard wrong.

"Come, come, Dumbledore. Don't tell me that you never noticed how I looked at you. I've loved you since I first saw you, and if you agree to be mine I will end this war."

Dumbledore stared at him before doing the only reasonable thing that can be done in a situation like this one, he fainted.

*****Page Break*****

Dumbledore awoke in the hospital wing with McGonagall sitting beside him. "Oh thank goodness Minerva, I had the strangest dream."

Minerva was unable to control herself and burst out laughing. "Albus, that wasn't a dream."

His eyes widened comically. "WHAT! You mean to tell me that Voldemort really come to Hogwarts and said that he was in love with me and would stop the war if I married him?"

"In a way."

"In a way? What do you mean?"

"Well Albus, that wasn't He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"What?" He asked confused. "If it wasn't Voldemort then who was it?"

Her lips twitched and he know she was holding back a simile. "Well Albus,it seems as though Mr. Potter was angry with you about something and decided to get revenge since it is 'April Fool's Day' or some such nonsense."

"But...But...But that's not possible! Ms. Granger told me that Harry would pull his prank at dinner not breakfast."

"Yes, well ms. Granger was a security leak and as such we kept our really plans from her."

He gaped at her. "Our plans? Surely you don't mean to tell me that you had something to do with this Minerva?"

"As a teacher it is my job to help students when ever possible. Also Harry promised me 10% of the profit he is going to make selling pictures of your face."

Albus stared at her and wondered who she was and what she had done with the real Minerva McGonagall.

**AN: So hope you like it. Please review, not only give me a warm fuzzy feeling, but also makes the pile of homework I have look much less scary.**


	7. The End

**Dear Readers,**

**I am sorry to say that I will not be writing anymore chapters for this story since it seems that no one is interested in it. I would like to thank everyone who offered a review, you guy kept me smiling, love you all 3.**

**Sincerely,**

**Super Epic Ninja**


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